Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
