Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
