if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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