I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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