he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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