ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
