I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
