My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
