I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
