He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
