yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
