Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
