I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
