I just threw up on my dentist
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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