But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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