Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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