Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
