my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
