He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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