Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
