its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
