Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
