I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
