he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
