fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
