i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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