Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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