So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
