now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
