True but thats because hes a fetus.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
