You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
