batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
