Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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