wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
