Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
