don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
