So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
