How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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