He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
