South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
