Just cropdusted the office
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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