He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We need to get me chipped asap
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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