Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
