woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
