I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
