I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Are we still banned from the library?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
