Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
