her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
