It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
