I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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