apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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